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If you have a low tolerance for mushiness, Cupid makes you cringe and goofy plush toys plastered with big red hearts make you want to gag, this may be your year to observe Anti-Valentine’s Day. Whether you choose to celebrate alone or with other singles, here are some helpful tips for surviving this annoying quasi-holiday.
Do
Browse the internet for online greeting cards and thoughtful gifts like withered roses, charred cookies and chocolate candy laced with ExLax for that special ex you still hate with a passion.
Don't
Be afraid to make a voodoo doll of your ex with a big red heart on it. Feel free to stick pins in strategic appendages.
Do
Dress all in black if it makes you feel better.
Do
Treat yourself. One of the great joys of being single is that when you give yourself a gift it’s something you really want, so go ahead and show yourself you care. Buy that new pair of Manolos, get a manicure or massage or splurge on new lingerie. Better yet, spring for all four! You’re soooo worth it.
Don't
Rent or watch Sleepless in Seattle, The Wedding Singer, You’ve Got Mail, Under the Tuscan Sun, When Harry Met Sally or any other so-called “romantic comedy” unless you are determined to spend the evening in tears... and own stock in Kimberly-Clark.
Do
Get some friends together for refreshing adult beverages and an Anti-Valentine’s DVD night. Think Addicted to Love, The Godfather, War of the Roses, Pulp Fiction, Fargo or The Sopranos. The more violent, the better. Cupid piñata optional, but highly recommended.
Do
Seize this golden opportunity to make everyone at the office jealous with a mysterious admirer scenario. A few days before Valentine's, order a dozen red roses, some Godiva™ chocolate and French champagne to be delivered to you at work from “Your secret admirer.” Feign ignorance and surprise, then sit back and enjoy the attention.
Don't
Forget the fact that there are worse things than being unattached on Valentine’s Day. For example, you could still be with what’s-his-name. Be thankful for the ones who got away, like the dumb jock who could barely remember your name, let alone your birthday. Or the reptile that was cheating with his ex the whole time you were together.
Do
Unplug the house phone and hide your iPhone so there is absolutely no possibility you will embarrass yourself by calling any of these people you are so lucky to have out of your life. This is especially important if there is any alcohol involved in your Anti-Valentine’s Day celebration.
Do
Look forward to Feb. 15, when all the Valentine’s Day candy will be deeply marked down.
Don't
Move to Russia even though it’s rumored that they don’t observe Valentine’s Day and they do make a big deal out of International Women’s Day when you get flowers and chocolate—and a day off work—no matter what your marital status. Remember, it’s only one day. Okay, two.
Do
Consider sleeping through the holiday, if all else fails. And cheer up; Halloween is only a few months away. Now that’s an occasion we can all enjoy.
