I’m 25 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 36. People tell me he is too old, and
my family has a problem accepting the age difference. Is any particular age gap too big? And how can I resolve this issue with those closest to me and show that the ages aren’t a factor in
the way he and I feel about each other?
Thanks, Charity
Most every relationship has critics, and for a variety of reasons - whether your partner is older,
has a job that your friends don't like, the "wrong" politics or religion, or doesn't make enough money, or has been divorced - you name it. In all these cases, it's important for you to take a
stand. Sit down with each loved one and understand their concerns. Make sure that they feel their worries have been heard in a heartfelt way. That's an important first step. Then, take a stand for
what you believe. Explain that you "get" their concerns, but that you love your boyfriend and need him to feel accepted by your friends and family. It's a tough position for you :-) but there's no
way around it: you need to accept your loved ones and their concerns, just as you need your boyfriend to feel accepted by them. If you continue to listen and be understanding but firm about what's
important, you'll come through with flying colors.
My boyfriend is a doctor and recently left for a mission to Africa for Unicef. He will be
to helping people there for the next five months and I miss him terribly. What romantic thing could I do for him – particularly with Valentine’s Day approaching – and what way can
I best support him?
Miscellaneous
Use the internet! Send him a racy picture, write him a surprising poem, send him a "wow" gift. The
main thing: expand your relationship. Go outside your comfort zones a little, surprise him. Relationships are strongest when they are growing, so if you have to be apart this long, change the game
a little! Tell him how much you miss him, but also tell him how much you -ahem- miss him. Be playfully passionate about the distance between you, tease him and surprise him once in a while, and
he'll be thinking about you every minute.
I just started to date a guy I've known for years, but I don't have that "spark" for him
quite yet. How long should I wait to see if I feel something more before I give up?
“Sparky” from Vancouver, WA
It's hard to answer that question without knowing the level of intimacy you have with him. What has
your pattern been in the past? Do you usually feel that spark instantly with a man, or does it generally take you days or weeks to feel some trust and familiarity first?
In the Ultimate Relationship Program, we refer to "that spark" as polarity - a charge that develops between the masculine and the feminine. Your relationship can be "polarized" in minutes, bringing
the spark out even if the relationship has had a slow start. In the next weeks, I'll give you a few strategies for increasing polarity and igniting sparks.
What is your advice on sharing bank accounts before marriage?
A.J. Greehouse, NJ
Wow, great question! There's no real right or wrong answer, whether you merge your finances or keep
them separate before you're married. However, there is a right and wrong to becoming financially successful. Whether you're in a small company, a partnership, or a marriage, it helps a lot to agree
on a plan for your finances, as well as guidelines on how to follow that plan. Have a talk about your wishes and dreams for the future and how your financial behavior is going to make those
possible over time.
Next page: Our Love Expert answers more reader questions about love & sex!
