I’m not sure that I trust my boyfriend. We met on vacation and soon after he left his
girlfriend and moved to Virginia to be near me. I was so excited and so thrilled that he would give up so much to be close to me, but now I am concerned that he could leave me for someone else just
as quickly as he left the other girl. He travels quite a bit for work and I am always on edge the days before he leaves because I feel like each time could be the time that he meets someone
new.
-Grace V.
Grace, I totally understand your concern. Sounds like you need to examine whether your experience
with him was unique, or whether he's the kind of guy who will continue leaving one woman for another. So ask yourself these questions. Do you have real evidence of him cheating on you or lying
about where he's been? Do you understand how he's transitioned between girlfriends in the past? How do you feel when you're with him?
And the second part of my answer concerns you. Do you you have a tendency to pick untrustworthy men? When someone gives you so much insecurity, you need to examine whether that's the right
relationship with you. These questions are not easy and fun, but you need to be ore certain about your suitability to each other.
My husband recently lost his job and I have been forced to go back to my old job as a
teacher. He is still looking for employment, however right now he is staying home with the kids and pulling the “Mr. Mom” thing while I’m working. He loves our kids and I think he
enjoys spending this time with them, but I think he’s overwhelmed and feeling inferior that his wife is the new breadwinner. I get a sense of resentment. I don’t know what to say to him
and it is a sore subject that I avoid bringing up. Aside from going to work and helping him job search on the weekends, what ways can I help him accept this?
Sincerely, Ashley, Seattle
All couples run into times where their life conditions aren't what you want them to be. Now what
you need is a safe, fun way to be together: so that your relationship can become a safe haven from economic times. Focus on the part of your relationship that has nothing to do with work or kids.
Escape a little together. Create rituals for yourselves as a couple: hobbies you share, entertainment, conversations that take your focus away from work. When times get hard, it's easy to get drawn
into an ongoing 24/7 discussion of a problem or challenge... that will eventually drain your relationship of all the passion and juice you need to keep going. It's equally important to create an
intimacy zone where it's just about the two of you - focus on making it fun, light, and pleasurable. That will keep you warm as you work out your work situations.
Does porn hurt a relationship? My wife was into it when we first began dating and now she
acts as though she’s offended if I ask her if it’s something that we can watch together while we’re making love. Could she have just been faking her interest for my benefit
before? I think it really spices things up and while I love her and love having sex with her, I like to keep things interesting sometimes, you know?
-Evan B.
Evan buddy, I have to kick your butt a little bit, here. Yes, porn can hurt a relationship. Why?
Because porn is designed to be a "short cut" for men: it makes you feel like some beautiful sexy woman wants you sexually, and you don't have to do anything to deserve it. It's like taking a magic
pill that makes you feel like you just won an Olympic Gold Medal without doing any training. Would that magic pill help you actually practice for the Olympics - and deserve to be in the Olympics?
The answer is no. You would probably just use the magic pill and forget to practice altogether.
Sounds like your woman is giving you just a little hint that you're not creating a porn-worthy experience for her. You just might be the 350 pound obese guy who walks around thinking he's an
Olympic medalist. I don't know, but you might want to check in on ways to enhance your sex that make her feel good. And I can tell you that it's a totally different game when you know that you have
created the sexual experience for your woman - that you deserve the gold medal because you earned it. Get a taste of that, and you'll never need porn again.
How can I foster a stronger "friendship" with my spouse? I feel like we identify ourselves
more as our children’s parents than we do lovers or friends nowadays.
LisaAnne, San Diego
That feeling of togetherness and cooperation that comes from being parents together - that's a very
valuable feeling, both for you and for your family. So first off, appreciate the experience of being on the same "team." Next: how you strengthen your bond with your partner? First, win his full
attention by giving him a gift he rarely gets. What does he want that he rarely gets to enjoy? Simply decide to give it to him - whether it involves you being there or not. Take charge of the gift
- give it firmly and selflessly and enthusiastically. Decide how often and how long you will give it and give without hesitation. When he realizes that you're simply giving him something he really
wants, without your expecting anything in return, it creates a powerful opening in the relationship.
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